Let's not coach the life out of it: Just because you can coach yourself...doesn't mean you should

Let’s talk about a sneaky trap that super smart, self-aware people (hi, you!) sometimes fall into once they learn coaching tools.

You feel something hard—grief, resentment, dread, shame. And instead of just feeling it, your brain starts flipping through your box of self-coaching tools like:

“This is just a thought.”
“I know my thoughts create my feelings.”
“I can totally shift this.”

You start trying to fix it. Fast.

And if the feeling doesn’t budge? You might even add a layer of shame on top because now, not only are you feeling bad, but you’re “failing” at coaching that feeling away.

Coaching tools are powerful when they help you access awareness, compassion, clarity, and intention.

But, they are not meant to be wielded like a stick to beat yourself up for being human and they’re not meant to avoid feeling the full range of human emotions. Even when you’re great at self-coaching, life is still a 50-50 mix.

Sometimes the kindest, most needed thing is to feel your feelings and not coach yourself out of them right away.

Often, the only way out is through.

That doesn’t mean wallowing forever. It means allowing the feeling. Letting it breathe. Letting yourself cry. Or yell. Or sit quietly while trying to access self-compassion. 

This is the paradox:
The more space you give a feeling, the less it clings.
It just wants your attention—not your eviction.

Coaching doesn’t mean skipping the part where you’re having a human experience.
So make sure that allowing your feelings with self-compassion is in your self-coaching toolkit.