The fixing can stay behind at work: The counterintuitive parenting move that works better than fixing

It’s bedtime. Your child is melting down. You’ve offered water, a snack, five different stuffed animals, and a second blanket—still, they’re sobbing.

You’ve hit the wall. The “nothing I do is working” wall.

This is usually where we launch into Fix-It Mode: search for the right strategy, the right words, the anything that will make it stop.

But what if nothing needs to be fixed?

The most loving thing we can do—for our kids, for ourselves—is to stop fixing and start witnessing.

To say: “I see you. This is hard. I’m here.”

We forget that presence is its own form of power. That simply being there—with compassion instead of correction—is enough.

We know it’s a hard transition, especially when our jobs as physicians are to “fix” all day long. And it can be super uncomfortable to just sit and witness distress in someone we love. But once you get the hang of it, letting go of needing to fix the unfixable actually becomes not only the most loving, but also the easier, option.

Next time your child (or your nervous system) is falling apart, try this little mantra:
“I don’t have to have the answers, I can just hang in there through the struggle.”

You don’t need perfect words. You don’t need a 5-step plan. You don’t need all the answers. 

You can just be a steady witness.

Yep, that’s all it takes. And you might just find that letting go of fixing it and witnessing your child’s struggle (or your own) actually helps both of you regulate faster.