The person you talk to most: Practice here, benefit everywhere

One of our members said something in group that really stuck with us.

She'd been working on validation.

Not because it comes naturally. Not because she's particularly good at it. But because she'd noticed something: it WORKS.

   When she remembers to validate her child instead of arguing with their feelings, things go better.
  When she validates a patient who's frustrated, things go better.
  When she validates a friend who's having a hard time, things go better.

Not always. But often enough that she's been intentionally trying to practice it more.

Then she laughed and said, "I should probably try this on myself."

And that's where many of us get stuck.

Validation can be hard with other people. But it often feels even harder with ourselves.

Because when your child says, "This is the worst day ever," your inner critic isn't standing next to you saying, "That's ridiculous. Stop being dramatic."

When your friend says she's overwhelmed, your brain doesn't immediately jump in with, "Other people have it harder."

But when it's your own experience?

Suddenly there's a very enthusiastic committee ready to explain why your feelings don't make sense and shouldn't be there.

So it often feels more accessible to practice validation with other people first.

But there's something powerful about practicing it with yourself too.

Because you're the person you talk to most.

The language you use with yourself all day long eventually becomes your most familiar language.

And when you're tired, stressed, overwhelmed, or running on very little sleep, you don't suddenly become more skilled. You reach for what's familiar.

If you've been practicing criticism, criticism is what shows up.
If you've been practicing understanding, understanding is what shows up.

For your kids. For your patients. For your partner.
And for yourself.

Self-validation is hard. But it may also be the practice field.

The place where you rehearse a different way of speaking to yourself. The place where compassion becomes more familiar than criticism. The place where you build a language that eventually becomes easier to access everywhere else in your life.

This week, the next time your brain wants to tell you that you shouldn't feel the way you feel, see if you can try something different:

"Of course this feels hard."
"That makes sense."
"No wonder I'm feeling this way."

Not because you're trying to fix anything.

Just because that's what you'd offer someone else.

And you deserve that same kindness too.