To some of the least "selfish" women ever: Your guilt's understanding of selfish is truly questionable
That pang of guilt when you head out to book club, leaving your partner with bedtime duties. The voice that whispers "selfish" when you even briefly consider a sick day or say no to that leadership role you are certain you don’t want.
Let's talk about what selfish really means, shall we?
Selfishness is making decisions without considering others.
But you? You've considered everyone. Always. You've thought about the impact. You feel the weight of your choices. You've probably spent hours weighing options and feeling guilty about your decision. Not exactly Dr. Selfish, right?
Making a choice that benefits you - even when it impacts others - isn't selfishness.
It's self-awareness.
Without that insight, resentment creeps in. Burnout follows. We end up inadvertently modeling for our children and trainees that having needs or opinions isn't okay. We lose touch with what we truly want, feeling guilty even about the things we choose to do. The world keeps asking for more, and we keep giving it, wondering why we feel empty and why everything always falls on us. So weirdly, the fear of being selfish can lead to being more disconnected from those we’re trying to take care of.
Your relationships can handle your honest needs. Deep connections grow stronger when both people can be authentic.
What might change if you stopped labeling your true wants and needs as selfish?
